Vampire Romance Stories Are Overrated
by Killjoy Whatsername
Summary: Because Twilight is a Mary-sue story and there's no such thing as a zombie apocalypse. Human AU. Alfred was a strange child, who somehow predicted the end of the world. And don't forget the Vampire Romance! Rochu
1. Chapter 1: The Jones Conspiracy

** A/N: My writing style on this is very confusing on purpose. I didn't use quotation marks, but I'll italicize the dialogue instead. I also won't tell you whose point of view the story is in, even if it changes, because it's pretty easy to figure out, and it's part of the writing style. But I'll tell you that the shorter parts of the chapter are told in a general perspective, and not that of a specific character. This writing style is experimental, so tell me what you think.**

**I don't think this would be considered as a trollfic because I actually bothered trying to make it good. It's made to somewhat parody(and/or make fun of) Twilight, Zombie Apocalypse movies, and other overrated stories of the sort.**

**If anyone is unfamiliar with their human AU names:**

**Arthur Kirkland- UK**

**Alfred F. Jones- USA**

**Ivan Braginsky- Russia**

**Francis Bonnefoy- France**

**Ludwig Weillschmidt- Germany**

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

**The Jones Conspiracy**

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><p><p>

Captain Obvious

_Ladies and gentlemen, we have a problem in our hands._

_No shit, Sherlock._

_Let's face it we're all doomed._

_Everybody, shut up and smile for the camera._

My Brother Alfred

When my brother, Alfred, was a little boy, he expressed his imagination a bit too far. At nights when our parents were away, Alfred and I stayed up until both hands of the antique clock aligned at the number twelve. The soft lullaby of the bells declaring the beginning of a new hour wandered in my bedroom, along with the howls of our neighbor's dog. That was my cue to take a peek at Alfred, to make sure the nightmares didn't haunt him. I kept the lights turned off and brought a flashlight to accompany me to Alfred's room across the narrow hallway, his door was opened halfway.

_Alfred_, I called out his name, no more than a whisper from where I stood beneath the doorframe. _Arthur_, he said, _I can't sleep._ My flashlight cast a shadow on his restless face, darker than a unicorn at twilight. I flicked the switch and knelt beside his bed. I offered to tell him a story and he nodded as I felt something cold and tiny grasp my hand.

_Once upon a time, I began, in a kingdom far far away, there lived a unicorn named Charles._

_ No,_ my brother interrupted, _you already told me that story._ He threw his blanket off, jumped onto the carpet, and reached under his bed. He climbed back up and made room for me to lie next to him, which I did. Here, he handed me a thin pile of papers held together with excessive amounts of glue with bits of lint and dust. Scribbles. The book contained innocent scribbles of circles, stars, and rockets that looked like crayons.

_I'll read it for you,_ Alfred said even though he couldn't read at the time, _you told me your stories so I'll tell you mine. Once upon a time in a galaxy far far far really far away, there was a little gray alien named Tony. Tony likes to go on adventures and eat McDonald's. And then Super Alfred..._

My little brother. He told me stories about aliens and superheroes. His arms flailed and his mouth made explosive sounds. I sat there and smiled.

_...saved the day and became the hero! The end._

The Boy Who Cried Zombie

_Zombie! the boy cried, _

_but the villagers didn't come to the rescue._

_Whatever did I do to make you ignore me? I never made a false alarm! Never!_

_Still, nobody came._

_As his flesh was getting ripped apart, his voice screeched, yet nobody came to help._

_It's not that the zombies ate them all, he thought._

_It's not that they can't hear me, he thought._

_They think I'm nuts._

Arthur

_Arthur! Arthur! Do you think I'll let you leave without saying goodbye?_

Alfred grabbed my shoulders when I was about to take my seat behind the wheel.

_Mom said I can have your room when you leave!_

So, this was his idea of goodbye.

It had been years until he showed me that book again. I couldn't believe that a male teenager like him kept the book all those years. The book that lay in my hands at that moment, _The Jones Conspiracy_. It started out as doodles of Tony the Little Gray Alien's Adventures, but when the pages reached a diary entry labeled on Alfred's eighth birthday, I felt like I was in an empty hole.

Alfred writing in a diary? How absurd. But when I read ahead, it all started to make sense. Far-fetched theories about aliens and zombies were what I made out of skimming through the lopsided pages.

And then Alfred gave me a slight punch on the arm.

_Well, it was nice knowing you, bro._

The corners of my mouth twitched upward and I said that _I'll miss you too, Alfred._

And so, I got in the car, and I read. I wanted to hit the gas and leave, move far away, but I found the entries too intriguing. Alfred stopped writing the day before he turned thirteen. All the entries began with the words _last night, I dreamed of_. And they all ended with the words_ I was right_.

All except for the last entry, which told the story of _The Boy Who Cried Zombie_, which ended with _I don't know if I'm right._

It wasn't until years later when I realized Alfred wasn't delusional, he was special. Chosen.

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have a Problem In Our Hands 

_I'll get the straitjacket_, Francis said.

_Clearly, the apocalypse has driven our so-called leader insane, so remain calm_, Ludwig said.

The inside of the room was just as chaotic as it would have been outside. _Everyone listen_, I yelled, _we need to find Alfred! He can help us_!

_He probably died off with the rest of the world_, someone from the back implied.

_Shut up! He's alive! I know he's alive!_

Multiple voices commanded _Arthur calm down!_

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who grew tired of the constant bickering. A tall figure from the far end of the room rose from his seat and stepped on the table. He walked across his table, to the next one, and the next one, until he reached me. He bent down so his eyes were the same level as mine and said _I'm leaving._

_What?_ I heard the room say in unison.

The man stepped of the platform and grabbed a nearby rifle as he headed towards the exit. I assumed that his next words would be his last.

_Braginsky! You can't just leave! Are you suicidal?_ I called out to him.

He turned his head to look at me and said that _it's not like we are going to survive for long. For all I know, we stopped living a long time ago. _

_If you're heading to your death out there in the surface,_ _then give me back my rifle and use your own!_ I scream at him.

_I'll return it_, he simply put in.


	2. Chapter 2: I Am a Gazelle

** A/N: Please R&R! And special thanks **

**to my first reviewer, I used what I learned in school to avoid cliches and abstractions. There's also some COD reference in there.**

**I do not own Hetalia, or the following quotes:**

**"...I am a gazelle..." -Number 5**

**(Umbrella Academy)**

**"You don't want** **my soul, it probably tastes like vodka," -Nikolai Belinsky**

**(Call of Duty)**

**I also don't own the song "Blood" by My Chemical Romance, which I have a songfic for as part of the chapter.**

**Characters used:**

**Wang Yao- China (or Vamp!China in this story, I know it's very OOC)**

**Alexandru- Romania (I gave him that name because it's the first name that showed up when I googled 'Romanian names' and it sounds like a stereotypical vampire name.)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

****I Am a Gazelle****

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><p><span>Bloodlust<span>

_I want some blood, blood, gallons of the stuff. _

_Give me some, and I will drink, but I don't know if I could stop._

_Just give me blood, blood, blood._

_It's so tasty that I won't leave Yao a drop._

I Spy Dinner

_Alexandru, wake up aru_, Yao poked my shoulder several times with what I assumed was his toe. He should have been sitting on the branch above the one I was resting on. My limbs dangled off as I lay on my belly on the sturdy branch. Neither of us cared about camouflage. We were faster than the speed of sound, but not quite as fast as the speed of light, for we would have been converted into energy centuries ago. And if anyone were to give our position away, it would be Yao.

_On a pitch black night like this, why would I be sleeping?_ I told him groggily. On a pitch black night like that, my arms dangling off the tree like prank-toilet paper wouldn't be as noticeable as Yao's ghost-girl-getup.

_I want some blood, blood, gallons of the stuff_, I sang. Yao kept pestering me, but when I glanced at him, it turned out that he was hanging upside down like a bat and poking me with a blunt twig.

_Alexandru, stop acting like a plastic bag and tell me if you smell it too_, he stopped poking me. _I smell the forest,_ I told him. The twig gently touched the back of my head. _Do you mean the smell of rotting flesh?_ I asked him.

_I don't find your sarcasm amusing, Alex_, he pouted. I leaped from my branch and landed crouching on top of the one he was hanging from. _I wasn't being sarcastic, Yao_, I said imitating his tone.

_The zombies are everywhere aru_, he sighed, _the time will come when they will wipe out the humans, and if that happens, we are going to starve to death aru. _

_Death?_ I asked.

_Double death? That doesn't seem like the right term aru. Nonexistence,_ he corrected.

_It would suck if we drained out all the blood banks_, I said to him.

_I agree aru. And I am dying for some fresh human blood_, he said, followed by an awkward pause. And then we both snicker. _No pun intended_, we told each other. Immortality could get so boring that it became that sad.

_Alex, the smell,_ he reminded me.

_Da, I can smell it,_ I replied.

_Not the forest? Not the zombies?_ He asked.

_Da_, I sniffed the wind, _Human._

Fire and Ice

_It's not diamonds._

_Nor crystal._

_Nor marble._

_It feels like perfectly normal flesh, minus the color._

_Minus the body heat._

_Our skin is pale and cold._

_But we don't sparkle._

_Expose me to the sun and I melt._

_But not Yao._

_He always carries a wok or an umbrella, and my hat is too tiny for the job._

The Prey 

_Shall we make the grand entrance, Yao?_ I asked.

_Wait until the victim approaches aru,_ he suggested.

The scent became stronger every second. It was the aroma of human, alcohol, and gunpowder. Yao leaned closer towards the prey's direction. As the silhouette of a frail being paced towards our tree, I got ready to plant my feet on the ground, and make a sneak attack. Of course, he looked frail in our eyes. A fellow mortal would have thought he was intimidating.

_Three meters aru,_ Yao warned and I immediately jumped out.

_Ratatatatatatatata_ went the machine gun.

_That was a headshot, da?_ Our prey laughed to himself. _With all the undead out here, I shouldn't be wasting my ammo for one._

I didn't bother to dodge the bullets. _My head_, I groaned,_ it tickles_. I straightened my posture and put a smile on my face, yet the mortal didn't cringe.

_You're no ordinary human aru_, Yao was behind the mortal in a flash, ready to take a bite out of his neck. _Yao, wait!_ I stopped him, _Don't hog all the blood to yourself!_

_So you're not zombies? It seems like it,_ The mortal kept smiling, Yao constrained him with his arms behind his head.

_Of course not,_ I told him, _we are creatures of the night, with fangs that glisten even under the pitch black skies._ Yao rolled his eyes, _Alexandru, the monologue isn't necessary. _

_I'm just quoting you on the last time we found a victim,_ I laughed. Vampires could really get that bored.

_We don't reek of decomposing meat, but radiate the scent of embalming fluid and an even number of roses, _I continued._ Not all of us have the same weaknesses, but we have a common thirst for human blood. You see, mortal, we have come to take every drop of blood out of your system, to satisfy our desire, maybe even eat your soul..._

The human did not show any signs of fear, he smiled and said that _if you want my blood, you two better share. But you might not want my soul. It probably tastes like vodka._

_Oh, mortal,_ I said to him, _now I want it even more._

_Alex! Enough monologuing and begin the hunt aru!_

_Huh?_ Clueless mortal.

We instinctively hissed, lunged, and attempted to bite, but we each took a hit. And we missed.

_No ordinary human, indeed._

Maybe

_Have you encountered a vampire before?_

_Maybe._

_Have you slain one before?_

_Maybe. _

_What is your name?_

_Ivan._

_The truth?_

_Yes, and yes._

_Are you lying?_

_No._

The Gazelles

They're fast, too fast for me to catch up. I am feared, I can kill. The predator after its prey, no. I am the prey. But I refuse to be vulnerable.

I will kill them.

But they are the gazelles, they know where to go for safety.

I do not belong out in the open, but there are others after me.

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><p><strong>AN: So, what do you think? It's a bit OOC. Any thoughts on Romania's crack monologue?**


	3. Chapter 3: White Dress Covered in Blood

****A/N: I actually have some Twilight reference in this chapter, but all I did was prove their so-called vampires wrong. I'm warning you that there will be more crack such as Annoying!Romania and Anti-Cullen!Romania. And the crackiest of all, Vamp!China.****

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><p><p>

**Chapter Three**

****White Dress Covered in Blood****

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><p><p>

Ghost Girl Getup

_A flowing white nightgown with blood in seemingly random spots._

_It was peculiar how the splotches blood were everywhere, front and back. _

_Yao was not a messy eater._

_Unless he hadn't tasted a hint of blood in days._

_The stain resembled reddish-brown ink that ran from the collar, down to the waistline. _

_The other stains were smeared handprints, where he wiped the red off his hands._

_Locks of his long, dark hair covered his eyes whenever he bent his head in the most demonic way._

_He had stopped wearing it in a ponytail and ever since then, he looked like he had fallen into a well and climbed out._

_But you wouldn't get seven days to live._

_It would only be a matter of seconds before he would indulge in your filthy, human blood._

Vampire Bats

Ten seconds. That was how long it took to get away from him. He didn't have the nose of a dog. He couldn't catch up at our running speed. But he could kill us.

_Is the mortal out of sight aru?_ I scan our surroundings at a fifteen meter radius, not fifteen miles. Vampires don't have a sense of sight that keen.

_Da, just hoards of zombies,_ Alexandru replied.

_You know, Alex, I really don't admire your sarcasm aru._

_I told you, I'm not being sarcastic._

_If it wasn't for your monologuing, we could have had his blood aru! I scold him._

_You're right. That delicious, vodka-flavored blood could have been ours if you hadn't made the exact same monologue the last time we actually had a victim!_

_It was your fault for memorizing it and imitating me aru!_

_I'm not going to argue. Sooner or later, you will tell me that we're being childish and stop fighting, anyway,_ he shrugged.

_I was about to say that aru,_ I sighed. I found the nearest tree similar to our old one, very tall, very strong, and enough for the zombies not to reach us.

I took a high jump and hung upside down on a thick branch. I was hanging on one leg and Alexandru stared at me from the ground. Then, he went to his usual post, the branch right under the one I chose.

_Yao, you may be a vampire hanging upside down, but there is no way you resemble a bat_, he implied.

_And why is that aru?_

_You're more of, you know, that strange rodent that hangs upside down on its tail..._

_An opossum aru? _

_Da! Exactly!_ he grinned.

_Aiyah! In what world do I resemble an opossum?_ I was ready to knock that miniature hat off his head.

_You don't_, he explained, _It's just how you hang upside down on one leg. And are you wearing Hello Kitty denim shorts under that ghost-girl-getup of yours?_ He said as he touched my zero gravity hair like the strings of a harp.

_Don't touch me aru!_ I hissed. I was pretty sure that at least ten inches of my clothing were tucked under the knee I was hanging from. There was no way he could see my Shinatty pants.

_Stop calling it that aru! And it's not Hello Kitty, it's Shinatty aru,_ I correct him.

_I knew it,_ he smirked.

_That's a lie aru! We can't read minds! If you have been peeking, I am going to bash your head off-_

_I was the one who did the laundry last week,_ he said.

I didn't say a word. I put my other leg over the branch as well. _Happy, aru? I am a bat._

_I don't get why you won't get rid of that ghost-girl-getup._ We all had withdrawal symptoms when we don't get our blood. Unfortunately, for Alexandru, his symptom was to become annoying.

I dealt with it for decades, so I answered his question. _Well, I am a phantom aru._

_A phantom?_

_That's right aru. I am a phantom and you never see me coming._

Red, Not Gold

_The Cullens. I heard of them. They're a lie._

_Unlike them, vampires have red eyes._

_They say they have golden eyes because of abstinence from human blood._

_Lies._

_Human blood is the essence of life._

_I have red eyes, all vampires do._

_Except for Yao._

_His eyes are gold. But neither of us know why._

Red Alert

_Everyone, stand on guard! Do not panic! We have an emergency here!_

I declared.

_Frog, take a gun and search Sector IV of the intruders!_

_Why me?_ he whined.

_Because I said so!_ I yell at him and continued giving orders.

_Weillschmidt, secure the exits!_

_Vargas, have some composure!_

_Zwingli, get the guns ready!_

_Williams, check Sector II! Williams! Where the bloody hell is Williams?_

The alarms continued blaring like wildfire.

_What is with everybody? The alarms went off again, da? I don't see any intruders. Ah! Kirkland, here is your rifle._

All of a sudden, my mind stopped working like a broken record.

My rifle?

No intruders?

Braginsky.

The bloody git could have given a signal, but instead, he barged in and set off the alarms.

_I'll go to the control room and fix the alarm,_ he says with that innocent face.

I didn't even know what to say anymore.

_Oh, there you are, Williams._

I Am a Phantom

They never saw me coming.

I lay on the linoleum floor of a one-story suburban house just outside the base. They never noticed that I had disappeared.

The house was zombie-free. I felt safe, especially without the weapons and the isolation.

The floor was littered with dirt and years of abandonment, but I didn't mind. That was the only spot in the house where I got enough light to read. Even if I had to adjust my glasses so I could see while lying down, it was worth it.

It was the only way to stay in touch with an old friend. The only way to be aware of _The Jones Conspiracy._


	4. Chapter 4: Vodka Flavored Souls

**A/N: I apologize for the lack of backstory, but like I said, this writing style is experimental so tell me what you think about it. Basically, most of the backstory comes from Arthur's narrations and the little poetic Drabble things (I don't know what to call them). Each part of a chapter were supposed to be little bits that would make sense if I updated faster and added more chapters.**

**The events don't happen in chronological order, since most of Arthur's narrations are flashbacks and then it suddenly goes back to the present, let me know if you're confused so I can fix it, ok ^-^**

**This is one of the most historically inaccurate things you will read, and that's why it's an AU. The only reason Romania is in the story is because China needed a vampire buddy. And so I warn you... I also just realized that Vampire!China is canon because of the Halloween special, but Russia is not a bear in this story.**

**Warning: implied crack pairings**

**...Let me know if you start shipping RoChu...(wait, that's a confusing name. I meant Romania X China).**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

**Vodka Flavored Souls**

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><p><span>Second to the Last Entry<span>

_Last night, I dreamed of Arthur going away for college. I knew it's gonna happen some time this week, but in my dream, I gave him this book. Dude, it totally means something! it's like Arthur needs to know about this! I even dreamed of Toris falling down the stairs and I was right!_

Doodle Number Twenty-one

It was the middle of January, so it was a little brighter outside than I had expected. The fields of snow reflected the street lights, and six-year-old Alfred hopped on my bed by surprise. _It's story time, Arthur! _he chirped. Back then, I just couldn't say no to him. _What kind of story would you like to hear?_ I asked him. Alfred shoved his collection of doodles towards me and he slipped into my covers. I pulled a string on my right and my old lamp lit the space around Alfred and I.

He opened the poorly glued pile to the middle page._ Is this about Tony again?_ I wondered. Alfred shook his head.

_Once upon a time, there were a lot super spies_! he pointed at a group of stick figures.

_Spies?_

_Yeah! Spies that work for NASA!_

_Alfred, astronauts work for NASA, not spies._

_Whatever. Anyway, there was one guy who always yelled at his friends, one guy who's always scared, another one who's always quiet, and one who shoots lasers! There's a lot more of them. See that one? _he pointed at a stuck figure standing on a rectangle.

_That's the leader and his special move is the Eyebrow Beam!_ He placed his little finger above my eye and grinned.

_Not funny, Alfred._

_And this guy is invisible man! _He slammed the same finger on the drawing.

_You're pointing at a blank spot._

_That's because nobody sees him! And he's really good at undercover missions!_

_And this guy is an assassin!_ He brought the paper up to my face, showing me a stick figure, larger than the others, holding a straight line.

_How did you know that word?_

_But the most important one of all,_ he ignored me,_ is the hero! But he's missing and it's up to the others to find him, so he can save the day!_

_Interesting_, I commented. Sarcasm.

_And they all have to fight...um...fight... alien monster zombie robots! And then they all celebrate with McDonald's. The end._

Eternal Mate for the Rest of Immortality

_You don't smell like a human,_ I told her.

She glared at me as if she was saying _I'll try not to take that offensively,_ and started to walk away from me.

At first sight, I knew she had to be the one. She was one of us. Bloodthirsty. Yet she was one of the most beautiful things I have seen. Whether it was her contrasting features, making her look fierce and cutesy at the same time, or how her dark hair looks with her pasty white skin. I love how much contrast I was able to sense in her, like she was two very different people. I normally didn't sense facts about anyone, but she was...special. I easily sensed it when I looked into those clear, golden eyes.

_Please don't tell me that you're one of them_, I sighed.

The woman halted and asked _what do you mean aru?_

_The sparkling pixies_.

There was a loud noise when a frying pan was bashed against my head. It was actually a wok.

_Your eyes_, I told her as I effortlessly got up, _they're the same color._ She glared at me and hissed.

_I guess you are just different, then,_ I said._ I never saw your face around here. Where are you from?_

_China_, she replied.

_So, vampires from the East are just a bit different._

_Not really aru. Even back home, they called me strange_.

I studied her face once more. She didn't have fangs, they only showed whenever she smiled.

_I'm fine with that. We're all strange in our own special way. May I ask for your name?_ I said as I held out my hand like a gentleman would.

_Wang Yao_, she crossed her arms and looked the other way. _And you?_

_That's a pretty name. I'm Alexandru._

_No last name aru?_

_I'll tell you some other time. Would you like to come with me?_

She stepped forward and placed her delicate-looking hand in mine, then she started to crush my fingers.

_Just so you know aru,_ she whispered, _I'm a man_.

If I was a mortal, it would have been a lot worse. My face would have turned red.

Decipher, Matthew

_Williams, what took you so long?_

_I've been sitting here the whole time._

_You have?_

_Yes, and I think I know where Alfred is._

_That's the fifteenth time you've said that, yet he's nowhere to be found. Do you plan on giving up?_

That was when Matthew stood up from his seat and attempted to raise his voice. His right fist trembled, dropping the book that he held protectively. I was able to see a slight blush in his cheeks and a very faint glint on his eyes.

_You were the one who believed that Alfred is out there in the first place! If you plan on giving up, then what's the point of gathering all the survivors and fight for their lives if you're giving up on one of our last hopes?_ He yelled, but it sounded like an airy whisper.

_What was the point of me trying to decipher his notes? Like they even meant something in the first place!_

_Matt.._.

Matthew Williams never shed a tear since the day his best friend went missing. When he first moved in the neighborhood, a few weeks after my family had adopted Alfred, Matthew never spoke. He often cried. He was so unnoticed until Alfred decided to step up and became part of his life. The two of them...they got along like star-crossed lovers.

_I'm sorry. I couldn't imagine how five years without Alfred is like for you. _I stayed a short distance from him, making sure I make no physical contact to make the situation more awkward.

Matthew didn't seem to be paying attention. How rude! He seemed too focused on his reading and decoding, kneeling on the ground with his finger tracing the page that opened when he dropped the book.

Since he never bothered to pick it up, I tried to grab the book, but he blocked me with his hand. Matthew looked up and into my eyes, saying _maple_ in a dead tone.

_Eureka! I figured it out!_ He exclaimed as he got on his feet.

_Bloody hell, you scared me._

_Alfred isn't our last hope! It's Ivan! Alfred says it's Ivan!_ He tapped on the page like Roderich attacked the keys on his grand piano.

_Don't be ridiculous! The two of them never met!_

_He predicted the zombie apocalypse, didn't he? So why not, eh? Besides, it doesn't say it directly. And it's actually not Ivan. It says that Ivan knows who or what our last hope is._

I no longer knew how to react, so I put a hand on his shoulder and told him _Matthew, nice job_.

Drinking Out of the Same Cup

_Yao-Yao! Sasha! Did you two miss me?_

_What is with the weird nicknames? And how did you know our names in the first place?_

_I stalked- I mean overheard you._

_Mortal! You actually followed us!_ Yao grabbed the human's scarf and yanked it as an attempt to suffocate him. After holding him down with one foot, Yao completely pulled the long fabric off the human's neck.

He had both hands on the prey's shoulders to make sure he was pinned down. The other half of the body was held down by his knees. And so, he leaned in, his venomous fangs inching closer to the mortal's bare neck. Not to my surprise, the mortal tried to break free, but Yao constrained him too well.

I could almost taste the blood from where I stood. His lips were touching the mortal's skin as I tried to hold my thirst. It wasn't fair that he got a taste before I did.

The bit of moonlight that wasn't blocked off by the trees illuminated the scene, giving me a clearer vision of the dark liquid flowing down his pale flesh. The scent became stronger, so strong that I wasn't able to resist the temptation of drinking the blood out of that bite mark.

_What are you doing, aru? If you want his blood, go bite him on a different spot. Disgusting aru._

_We're dead. It's not like I'll be catching your germs._

_Actually_-

The mortal began to raise his arm a little. He shouldn't have the ability to move or be conscious. Although we both saw that he was severely weakened, he didn't look like he was dying...or transforming.

_I don't mind when two people drink out of the same cup_, he said. _But for two vampires to suck on the same wound...is disgusting._

_I told you so, aru. Now go finish him off. I don't want to waste all that delicious blood, and neither do I want more vampires to compete against_.

Yao and I were about to take another bite when he spoke again. _You really don't remember me, Yao-Yao?_

_You tried to kill us aru._

_Think farther back. Sasha, maybe you can remember_.

One of the few people who call me by that name... Ivan! _You're Ivan! Is that why Yao didn't attack you after I told him to stop?_

My sudden realization gave me a slap across the face. Literally. Yao hit my cheek with so much force that it almost inflicted pain. The look in his eyes seemed unreadable.

Was he upset?

Furious?

Homicidal?

Nostalgic...heartbroken?

I prefer to stay out of these situations. If Yao and Ivan were in the same place at the same time, especially after they tried to kill each other, I knew that some horrible crap was going to happen, especially to the bystander.

As it appeared, the bystander was in shock, Yao ran away, and Ivan was lying on the ground, bleeding to death.


	5. Chapter 0: Explanation for the confused

To clear up any confusion, here's how the past few chapters were supposed to mean

*Spoilers if you don't want to do some boring analysis after I update*

Summary: It's the end of the world and zombies are taking over. Vampires exist. Alfred supposed to have predicted it when he was a kid and wrote all his theories and psychic visions in a journal, which Arthur believes is the key to finding Alfred. Alfred is missing and Arthur, the self proclaimed leader of a group of zombie apocalypse survivors, thinks he's the only one that could help.

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><p>Chapter 1: The Jones Conspiracy<p>

Title meaning: Alfred came up with the theory on how the world would end.

Captain Obvious - dialogue from an Apocalypse Survivors Organization meeting. The first line is said by Arthur, reflected in the part called "Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have a Problem in Our Hands," and the rest are the thoughts of the other members. The last line was Ivan's thought.

My Brother Alfred - Arthur's flashback. Alfred was a little kid who loved aliens and superheroes, so he showed Arthur his collection of doodles. Alfred added to the collection over the years until it became the book called The Jones Conspiracy.

The Boy Who Cried Zombie - Alfred's last diary entry. It basically predicted the zombie apocalypse. The characters aren't specific. They're just random people from Alfred's imagination.

Arthur - another flashback. *see "Second to the Last Entry" in Chapter 4 to understand what it really means

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have a Problem In Our Hands - continued from "Captain Obvious." The Survivors thought Arthur lost his mind when he started to obsess over Alfred and claim that he's still alive, despite having been missing for five years. Ivan gets annoyed and leaves with Arthur's gun. The last line foreshadows that he's going to make it back alive.

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><p>Chapter 2: I am a Gazelle<p>

Title meaning: Number 5 from The Umbrella Academy(a comic by Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba) said this line and it seemed like a good title. It basically means that the enemy may be the predator, but the prey wins because it outruns the predator and knows where the jungle is while the predator doesn't.

Bloodlust - A songfic for Blood by My Chemical Romance. Alex is thirsty again and he sings while he's bored. Reflected in "I Spy Dinner" where he sings some of it. The purpose of this songfic is to show that Alex and Yao are vampires. Of course.

I Spy Dinner - Ivan is coming their way and the vampires are bored and thirsty. It's pretty self explanatory, but vampires living in trees and acting like drunk jellyfish mostly show how bored they are.

Fire and Ice - took the title from twilight. It basically makes fun of how Edward sparkles.

The Prey - the non-flashback narrative parts aren't as confusing as everything else. Alex's POV. But basically, they find Ivan. Alex starts monologuing because he's bored, although Yao almost got him. Yes, he was wearing a scarf. I forgot to add that Yao pulled it down before trying to bite him. Alex tells Yao to stop because he wanted to share. Spoiler: Yao wouldn't have stopped even if Alex told him to. There was a reason why he spared Ivan. For references people might not understand:

Ratatatata- a sound a machine gun makes. It's funny if you heard Edward Richtofen( from Call of Duty) say it in a Nazi Zombies game.

Embalming fluid- supposed to juxtapose with the rotting zombies in the background

Even number of roses- I read somewhere that an even number of flowers is only brought to funerals in Russia. Ivan is Russia... Also goes with the funeral/death concept of the crack monologue

My soul tastes like vodka - said by Nikolai Belinsky( also from Call of Duty). It's there because it fits. It just does.

Maybe - Ivan saw vampires before those two. He killed them. He's not lying about killing them.

The Gazelles - again with the Umbrella Academy reference. Ivan's POV. He's a vampire slayer and he wants to kill them.


End file.
